Let Me Tell You About My Hopeless-Romance Story

Now Playing — Love Story (Taylor Swift’s Version)

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Chapter One

I’ve lived in this world for twenty five years now. And, yet, I have no one to be called a lover. My romantic life is hopeless. There’s nothing I can expect for it, thus I don’t want to disappoint myself by hoping for something unreal. For instance, a boyfriend.

Don’t get me wrong. I dated a few guys a long time ago. Well, what I meant by few is umm *thinking harder* three boys. I dated two of them when I was a junior high school student, while the least was in freshman year of my senior high school life.

My friends might say that I am lying (about I dated a few boys) ‘cause I’ve always been mouthing that I have never been in a relationship in my entire life. It was because I was always insecure about myself. That nobody’s gonna like me the way I liked them. And the worst thing is, nobody’s gonna pay me any attention.

I remember that my first crush was a boy in kindergarten school. We liked each other. As years went by, our relationship was always on-off. We contacted each other again in the sixth grade of primary school until we became students of junior high school, in the same school. At that moment, we only exchanged messages and flirted with each other. He never asked me to be his girlfriend and I didn’t wanna be someone who confessed first.

Thinking about it now, it was toxic. He was a coward but I stupidly convinced myself that he was worth waiting until I found that I was not the one. He texted some of my friends too. He ended up dating my friend’s friend, whom I know as well.

That was the end of my kindergarten-crush era.

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Chapter Two

Moving on, I once dated a boy in my class in junior high school. This is the first time I ever admit it. Nothing was special about it. Yet, it is embarrassing because we only dated for a week. That’s the reason why I kept hiding it until in senior high school-year, it came to my ears that he was the one who told every one of his friends about our relationship in the past. The rumors seemed like our story was something phenomenal. But it wasn’t. I broke up with him only because he answered my messages too long. I might have hurt his feelings, but at that moment I didn’t know. I was only fourteen!

On the other hand, I was terrified that my parents would figure out about me having a boyfriend. Thus, I’ve never said yes whenever he asked me to be his girlfriend again. Until, he was tired of me and found another girl.

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Chapter Three

While listening to “Death by a thousand cuts” from Taylor Swift, I tried to recall what it’s like to be heartbroken.

So, here we are in the third chapter of my hopeless love story.

It hit me as hell when the lyrics said “I see you everywhere, the only thing we share is this small town.”

After just a week of breaking up, my heart was all blue. All I thought about was him. While I was eating, sleeping, doing assignments, everything. My brain kept creating different scenarios about the night we broke up.

I was blaming myself because the reason we broke up was because of me. Breaking up with him hurted my feelings so much. When you could do nothing about it but finally realize that it was over. and then i thought that maybe it was the right person at the wrong time. However, he painted a rainbow in my high school life and I’m grateful I got to experience it for a while.

Finally, remembering him now is not as painful as it used to be. too bad that our relationship had to end that way. we can’t be friends either ’cause it’ll be so weird. We weren’t friends in the very first place, anyway.

I am perfectly fine right now as I only remember the good times we had. I hope he does too.

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Epilog

Now, you must be questioning . . . . who is next?

As I have mentioned those three boys, so that’s it.

Well, I used to (or still?) have one particular person who I’ve been crushing on since two thousand and fifteen. It is one-sided love. Mmm, I probably will tell you about him in another episode (or maybe not?).

What could be more pathetic than unrequited love? Worse yet, you have put your time and energy into it, as Taylor Swift said in her song entitled Illicit Affair, “For you, I would ruin myself, a million little times.”

If I could go back in time, I wouldn’t let him break my heart or do stupid things that I would regret. However, when you are drunk in love, he will take away your sanity. he will consume your heart like cancer.

At the moment, my heart is nobody else’s but mine. That being said I avoid being in a relationship as it will take so much effort; time, energy, money, mind; which I doubt I want to give to that special person again (after what he did to me — to my heart).

So, here she is. A young woman who chooses to be single yet likes to fantasize about her future soulmate in her mind. Imagining what it would be like to have a boyfriend who is willing to do anything to make her happy — just like every romantic Korean-drama she watches, all those romance novels she reads.

Now, do you agree that my romantic life is hopeless?